A few hours ago, I was informed by a guy that I had been seeing for a little over a month that he "really didn't want to date anyone right now."
I would like to say that I was stunned but I wasn't. He had been exhibiting all the classic signs of a boy (yeah I said it) which were pulling back when things were getting serious: delayed text messages or skipping days of communication, not wanting to know more about my life than was already disclosed, wanting to spend time at home, and being "too busy" to make plans with me. In fact, had I not broached the subject with him about him seeming disinterested anymore, he would not have even provided me with the above information. It would have just fizzled out.
That's how boys do it.
What did stun me was that he was very good at being misleading and that I avoided all red flags until after the moment when he admitted he was just playing. I ignored the way he jealousy guarded his time for television shows and video games. I ignored the his criticism of me when I didn't know about certain things that he did. I ignored his failure to acknowledge how attractive I looked when he saw me until the very end. I ignored the way he described himself as gentleman (usually men who have to tell you that they are such, are not indeed).
I ignored these red flags because I was so enthralled with his good looks, his charm, his education, his occupation, and the fact that he seemed to be very interested in what I thought about him and how he could improve---a trait that I had honestly never witnessed in any man I have dated.
What I did was become taken with half of what I always wanted and forgot the small parts that really mattered in the long run.
So often as black women, we settle for less than what we deserve. We think to ourselves, "Well there is a shortage of brothas and if I get one who seems to have it all going on, then I need to snatch him up!" So we settle, taking things like finances, occupation, and education in precedence to things like family values, good morals, and genuineness. And then we fall short; short of a man meeting our true expectations, short of ourselves, and then we are hurt.
We are conditioned to believe that there is this shortage of black men out there and even a smaller percentage of them are good brothas. We are conditioned to believe that if a brotha ain't an engineer, doctor, or lawyer... that brotha ain't shit. We are conditioned to believe that in order to achieve the American Dream of marriage that we have to take all of the bad with the good; they are men and that's the way it is. In essence, we are taught not just as black women but as women in general that men will be dogs regardless, and in order to keep a dog loyal to you , you must accept it's nature.
I'm giving that big HELL NO. Call me bitter and maybe a bit angry but if I didn't learn anything today, I surely have learned (hopefully) for the final time that you mustn't cater to a dog. If you see the red flags...RUN. When you meet a man, lay your expectations out from the door. If he's worthy he'll stay, if not he wasn't for you. Never, ever, ever, compromise what you truly want just because he has SOME of what you want.
Modern Black Women: We're better than this. Stop settling for Mr. Right Now and wait on Mr. Right!
No comments:
Post a Comment