Breaking Camp: When a Black Woman is Fed Up

Last night, I watched the premier of To Rome With Love, the new series on Bravo that follows black women on a quest for love in Italy.

Yes Italy!

As I watched and listened to the stories of each of the women, (don't ask me to write their names because I can't remember),  there were a few common themes: infidelity by their husbands which lead to divorce, abusive relationships, or having so many unfavorable experiences that the women became jaded and lost hope on finding romance.  I also noticed another theme: these black women had been married to or had these experiences with black men.  Hence, why they were in Italy trying something new.

Now before anyone thinks I'm going to be the angry black woman and attack black men, I'm gonna tell you that I am a little bitter, which might make me a bit critical. So, if you find yourself uncomfortable with what I am about to say, then you know how to find  another blog. Just saying.

I normally do not watch reality tv because of the awful representations of black women, but this one caught my eye because it touched on a real issue: it is often hard for black women in America to find and keep a compatible mate. Sure, there is a "lack" of black men just due to us outnumbering them, but in my experience, I just haven't always had the best experiences with them when it comes to relationships.  I have experienced the same exact things each of the women talked about, but the main thing has been the lack of men that want to settle down. 
I related to many of the women who were jaded because I recently cut ties with someone I had given some of my teens, twenties, and regretfully the first two years of my thirties, to.  I won't lie, I waited for this man to commit knowing damn well he never would...but would just keep doing enough to keep me hanging on.  Now, someone may look at that situation and say "Girl, that's all your fault, " and I respectfully, partially, accept that.  However, if someone is straight up with you from day one saying they want to be your A-1, and you knew they could only ever be Great Value steak sauce, why wouldn't you just leave them alone?

But this post is not about playing second fiddle, it's about what happens when black women get tired.  We break camp and date across our race.... and for some weird ass reason, we get ridiculed for it.  Meghan Markle, Serena Williams, Paula Patton, Zoe Saldana, Halle Berry and countless others.  I don't know all of their backstories with black men but I can bet if we sat down in room together, we might have something to bond over. I, too, have dated outside my race and been approached by men of other ethnicities, and while I have to say I am still partial to chocolate, I had been treated differently by these men, I never felt worried that they were going to size up my best friend, they were playing me and other women, or that I wasn't attractive enough.  To be honest, had the cultural barrier been overcome in some cases, I could've seen myself in lasting relationships with some of them. 

 Why is it that black women are not allowed to ask black men to do better for us and with us? Our concerns are cast aside... a lot of times because there is a woman of another ethnicity waiting in the wings, to put up with what we won't.  I say, if that's the way it is, so be it...and we need to get ours too. But damn me and my sweet tooth, and my love of chocolate in all shades! I suppose that's why I have cavities...maybe I've had enough.

I don't know if I could ever truly give up on my brothas, but I really wish they would do right by me. Le Sigh.