Black and Bougie...or Not...or Maybe

If I could count the number of times someone called me bougie, I 'd be out of fingers, I'd have over a million dollars, and I'd be the poster child for bougieness. 

I like a lot of things rich people like...well I guess. I like operas, plays, wine tasting. I prefer men in suits over men rocking sagging pants. And yes, I might be looking for a dude with a college degree.
Where do I want to vacation? Spain, Paris, basically anywhere in Europe...and I want a suite in a four star hotel, with a balcony overlooking the city. 

And to a lot of people, that is bougie as hell. 

Which is so concerning to me because...I'm poor as hell! But because my mom wanted better for me, and broke her back to make sure I had experiences outside of the hood, I was labeled the bougie one...

The Goody Two Shoes.
The "White Girl".

I think the first time I experienced someone mistaking me for bougie was around 7th grade, when a boy I liked asked me if I "went to a Catholic school," (I didn't).  That same year during summer break, my best friend, whom I used to sing with all the time told me "You sing like a white girl," when my tone became rounder after I began classical voice lessons at my creative and performing arts school. 

It didn't stop there: when I suggested a date at museum, my man crush said "You hella bougie, but I like that."  When I didn't go outside to smoke weed with my ex-boyfriend, I was told I "needed to stop acting bougie," around his family. I didn't understand; I didn't smoke weed and I just didn't want to.

While bougie is defined as "Aspiring to be a higher class than one is. Derived from bourgeois - meaning middle/upper class, traditionally despised by communists.," by the Urban Dictionary, it is actually synonymous with acting white, in the black community.   When you act "bougie", you are acting like you aren't black (whatever that means).  By  being perceived as acting or behaving "better," you are forgetting that you are Black, where you came from, and the struggles that your ancestors came from.

You're not Black enough.

Being categorized as such, perplexes me.  Since when did being cultured be interchangeable with being white? Why is wanting to achieve more than what is expected looked down upon? Isn't that what our ancestors fought and in some cases died for? I feel as long as you are attached to your people, and are giving back, there should be nothing wrong. 

I still shudder at the utterance of the word when it is mentioned to me or about me. I get upset when black people describe themselves as such, but I no longer let it define me.  I know who and what I am, what I came from, and what I am not.