I'm not hopping around twerking, saying, "Ay!" In fact, I'm just sitting here looking at my dirty room and going "Eh." I sort of did something special last night: a few friends and I went to a bar, but one by one they started to peel off from being tired, we didn't even make it till 1 am. I wasn't mad. I just recognized that none of us are the people we once were. The energy level, the liver capacity, and the ability to withstand smelling pee and body odor for long periods of time is gone.
And I'm 32. Not old, not super young but just at that point where I'm like "Ok, it is nice to see another year, but it's also another day." I thought I wanted a full on celebration, so I tried to plan it and everyone was like "Sorry I can't come," "Sorry I have my kids," (and I'm thinking what are those?). I also for some reason thought I'd actually have a man for my 32nd, an apartment, and I'd be super glamorous.
Yes I am laughing too!
As frustrating as it was to not have this imaginary, fully festive,birthday, I am happy that I can always find the small things be grateful for. I had some friends who tried to hang which means people like me, I have health and strength, I had clean clothes. And I realized I'm hella old to expect a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese (though if someone suggested it, and planned it I would have been on board because the pizza is to die for). I didn't get many gifts, which was not a big deal at all because I realized I've been getting big and great gifts all this year:
A sense of self: I actually know who I am and what I am capable of.
A sense of confidence: Over the last year, I have learned that I can hold my own even in crowded rooms and that there's nothing to be afraid of.
A sense of beauty: I have like 7 beauty marks on my body, freckles, I'm thick in the hips, and have skin the color of coffee with
A sense of accomplishment: I'm a black woman with 2 degrees and a decent job. I'm smart and doing it!
And the most important thing of all: A strong family foundation that has pushed me do better and know all of the aforementioned things. Did I also mention that God created me and is responsible for all of that? Yeah HE is!
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that birthdays are great and what you make them. The important thing is that you recognize all the gifts you have been given year round and the progress you've made each year. You don't need a party to do that. You just need to do it!
Happy Birthday to Me!
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