For those of you who read my musings, you know that I have a slight fascination with hair. With that being said, I have finally come to a point in my life where I have decided to go natural--back to my wavy, curly, birth mane.
Like all things, it's a process. It's been a little over a month since my hair has a had no chemical in it and I've kept it braided down for the most part. I wouldn't have dared taken the big chop like some of my brave friends have...with my round tomato head, my varied hair texture, and my widow's peek, short just ain't it!
But I am enjoying seeing those beautiful waves rise underneath my braided up do. It's been like seeing an old friend you never thought you'd see again. I get excited when I think about how wonderful it will be when all of natural hair has grown out and the relaxer is gone. I think about the different styles I will do and how much healthier and fuller it will be once it is free to be so.
But mostly, I think about why I altered my naturalness in the first place. I didn't get my first relaxer until I was 18. Prior to that I had to endure the straightening comb, the inevitable undoing by the school swimming pool and the rain, and thousands of classmates, boys, and even family members opinions about why I should permanently straighten it. Most of the reasoning behind the comments was that I had too much hair and it was coarse. I chose to get it straightened so it would be more manageable. Back in the late 90's and early 2000's there wasn't much embracing of natural hair...especially when you were a teenager. We were consumed by Aaliyah's wraps, Beyonce's curls, and TLC's different colored hair and varied tresses. If you came to school looking natural, you were likely to get called nappy, clowned, and don't even think about a guy trying to ask you out!
As an adult woman, of course I look back and wish I could tell my kid self to put that box of Motions relaxer back on the shelf and learn how to braid and twist my long lengths. My hair was down to my shoulders back then and was beautiful, now at twenty eight it sheds and thins when it get close to my shoulders due to dyeing and relaxing. As an adult woman, I not only see the damage chemicals have done to my hair but also the damage that was done to my spirit by letting others dictate what my mane should look like. I also understand that once I became relaxed, I began to not only lack discipline in my hair care regimen, but other areas in my life as well.
People think that hair is just an object of vanity but to some people it is sacred and an indicator of health status. As a teen I lived a fun and worry free life and my hair grew long and strong; as an adult my life became fraught with so many uncertainties and my hair became just that: uncertain and unpredictable. As I changed, so did my tresses...as I became unsure...they became frail.
This is why it was important for me to make the decision to get back to my natural self. By nurturing it and letting it be, I am allowing not only it to grow as it was but also journeying a long with it. No more will I be consumed with wanting to be accepted because I accept myself. Though my tendrils may now have a few gray strands among them (they do, I've seen them), I get to go back and grab an important piece of myself that I thought that I left behind. My hair harkens back to my origins; my ancestors from Angola, the Middle East, the Rappahannock tribe, and Ireland. My journey back to it is my journey back to them; my homage and thanks for blessing me with abundance.
I look forward to the journey and will be investing in a lot of Shea butter products! :)
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