A lot of people change their behavior around the New Year...or so they try. I'll be the first to say New Year's Resolutions have not been something I've mastered. But for once, I'm really trying.
Over the last few months, I've had to get real with who I am and who I am trying to be. People will say: "you are who you are!" I don't agree. I believe everyone has the power to change and improve for the better, especially if they're not liking what their experiencing. I won't go into detail about all of my changes, but one of them is moving in silence. This one thing was something I did not regularly due, and I believe that it caused a lot of missed opportunities.
I've always been the type of girl who gets very happy and so excited that, I just have to tell someone! We are human...we always want others to share in our happiness. We think our joy is theirs and vice versa, but it is not. Sometimes, when we share our successes with others, they're not rooting for us, but quietly waiting with a dagger in hand. The more literal translation or an example of this is telling a "friend " about a business venture and them stealing the idea before you could even act. This didn't happen to me, but that was the closest thing I could think of.
Also, when I think about reactions I've had to events in my love life, I think I could've done better. No, that doesn't mean I shouldn't have felt what I felt, because I was certainly justified...but maybe, I could have used a journal rather than putting my douchebag dudes on front street. I'm continuously learning that the best revenge moves silently. The best revenge is doing you, head high, heels hitting the pavement, continuing the slay and excel. It is not your duty to make them regret; time is the great equalizer.
I had to get real about why I was angry, shocked, and appalled when dumb shit happened. The real: I'm a jaded woman. Experiences, people, and relationships contributed to my demeanor and how I handled things. I had to step outside of my victimized self, and stop waiting for the moment I was going to have to initiate the block when the blows from the hardships of failed courtships came. I had to be honest and realize that I had been carrying some bags around with me, that were filled with bricks. Carrying those heavy bags made me tired and irritable. Adopting an attitude of "You ain't gonna do this to me!" was the way I defended myself.
But after countless conversations with God (that surely didn't start this year, I know HIM), my grandmother, and spiritual teacher, I think I ready to put those bags down, open my hands from those tight fists, and be who I am meant to be. That person is happy, she is successful, she is beautiful. She receives abundance and blessings. She trusts herself. She deserves love and by gum, she's going to get it!
I realize that this post may not have a central theme but I thought it was important to share with my readers that every day we can become new. Everyday we become who we want to be. It's not always easy, but it can be done.
