Sunday, July 30, 2017

I'm a Ryan. Who are you?


If you have not seen Girls Trip, then I seriously do not know what the heck you are waiting for!

This is not one of those films that people hype up and then it falls flat...this is so worth the 10 bucks! So much so, that I went to see it with my mom one night and was still laughing hysterically again when I went with my date to see it again the next night (yeah...I couldn't believe he wanted to see it either!).

But this post isn't simply an endorsement of the film, it is an examination of how I saw myself in each of the various characters...specifically Ryan (she who has it all).

Before seeing the film, I just knew that Jada's character, Lisa was going to be my spirit animal.  She was demure, covered up, and had this sensible ponytail.  However, (and I am not going to spoil it for folks who haven't seen it), I found out through the course of the film that she was me at a different stage of my life and not someone who I necessarily identify with now.  Sasha (Queen Latifah), was the furthest from who I am, and I tend to stay away from people who embody her gossipy, stuntin', behavior.  Dina...well I can be Dina when I have had 6 shots of Tequila, or have had it up to there with folks, which is funny and scary!

Ryan, and I are birds of a feather; Renaissance women who work hard, have our hands in multiple projects at a time, tend to be the glue of our friendships, and strive for a life near perfection even when things seem to be falling apart.  We're both writers, constantly have mirror talk with ourselves to bolster confidence, and simply want the best for ourselves and others. Sometimes our well meaning words, can hit like blunt force trauma and sting our loved ones.  And we simply don't subscribe to what everyone else thinks or says do, because we are constantly trying to work with what best suits our lives.  We are the women who will hunt down a 4 star hotel with a suite and spa included, but will often hide our feelings for fear of appearing weak or incapable.

This attitude does not always serve us as we can be tearing ourselves apart in the inside when things don't work out as planned. Ours is a personality that can be isolating, because to the outsider it appears we are doing well and don't need help when in reality we're 2 steps away from a full on breakdown.

Ryan's character, represents Black women everywhere who have to always work hard to stay on top in the face of adversity.  The women who statistics say will never marry or have a marriage that ends in divorce.  The women who are more often made to choose between career and family.  The women who are constantly made to prove that the are more than a stereotype. 

But Ryan's character also represents the strength and poise that Black women possess.  Yes, it can be tough, it can get messy, but we can prevail.  By using our smarts and having passion and ambition, we might overcome to become the next Oprah, or the Black Martha Stewart, ensuring that our family becomes financially secure in a world where so many doors still remain closed to them.  Her character is empowerment, despite the hurdles she has to examine and overcome.

And, it is refreshing to see such a shining example of Black Womanhood & Sisterhood portrayed in a film...especially in an industry that is know for only allowing us to be sidekicks an stereotypes. I'll say it again: Go and see it!  When you get back, tell me who you are: Ryan, Sasha, Dina, or Lisa.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Being the only one

Throughout most of my life I have been the only one. The only one who has kinky hair, the only one with brown skin, the only one who doesn't look like they fit their name. I have been the only black child,girl, woman in a sea of faces that generally accepted me but didn't quite understand me.

Some of you may have been the only ones. Maybe you are okay with that. Perhaps you haven't encountered any major problems. If so that's good..;great even! However, you cannot argue that being the only one renders feelings that being the ONLY can. You may have a point when one of your friends is so cool with your otherness that they include you in on all of their secrets, things that are said about your only oneness in the dark.  You may have also encountered a situation where they did not understand why something was offensive and you found yourself having to speak on behalf of all of your people. 

Then there's that whole thing with minimizing.  When you are the only one, sometimes you might find yourself minimizing your otherness as not to call attention to it, though..let's be real: your cocoa skin or thick tendrils make you the elephant in the room.  Sure, you might stay away from saying "Bye, Felicia," so they don't get comfortable...but you know Amber, she dated Dontae'...and at some point, she is going to bring Felicia back!

Being the only one can attract the curiosity level that a bearded lady strikes. Why are you the only one?  Why do you want to be the only one? Are you comfortable with being the only one? Furthermore what do you do when your only oneness literally becomes being a token? Is it because you like White guys? Or are you one of "those" black girls who secretly wants to be White?  These are the questions that I have been asked!

The thing is, sometimes being the only one is not a choice. It just is what it is. Being black doesn't define who your friends are or what you like.And being the only one is not all bad, but it comes with a duty to establish certain boundaries when things get complicated or things get uncomfortable.

Sometimes being the only one is a blessing because it allows others to see just how unique we truly all are.