Being the only one

Throughout most of my life I have been the only one. The only one who has kinky hair, the only one with brown skin, the only one who doesn't look like they fit their name. I have been the only black child,girl, woman in a sea of faces that generally accepted me but didn't quite understand me.

Some of you may have been the only ones. Maybe you are okay with that. Perhaps you haven't encountered any major problems. If so that's good..;great even! However, you cannot argue that being the only one renders feelings that being the ONLY can. You may have a point when one of your friends is so cool with your otherness that they include you in on all of their secrets, things that are said about your only oneness in the dark.  You may have also encountered a situation where they did not understand why something was offensive and you found yourself having to speak on behalf of all of your people. 

Then there's that whole thing with minimizing.  When you are the only one, sometimes you might find yourself minimizing your otherness as not to call attention to it, though..let's be real: your cocoa skin or thick tendrils make you the elephant in the room.  Sure, you might stay away from saying "Bye, Felicia," so they don't get comfortable...but you know Amber, she dated Dontae'...and at some point, she is going to bring Felicia back!

Being the only one can attract the curiosity level that a bearded lady strikes. Why are you the only one?  Why do you want to be the only one? Are you comfortable with being the only one? Furthermore what do you do when your only oneness literally becomes being a token? Is it because you like White guys? Or are you one of "those" black girls who secretly wants to be White?  These are the questions that I have been asked!

The thing is, sometimes being the only one is not a choice. It just is what it is. Being black doesn't define who your friends are or what you like.And being the only one is not all bad, but it comes with a duty to establish certain boundaries when things get complicated or things get uncomfortable.

Sometimes being the only one is a blessing because it allows others to see just how unique we truly all are.