Bitter

Ever hear a song that hits your emotions right on the head? That's me today; Shante' Moore's Bitter  is blowing a hole through my brain and the problem is it is making me even more bitter.
If Nirvana's It Smells Like Teen Spirit  was the anthem of teen angst, then Bitter   has got to be the fed-up, single, black, woman's anthem.

Of course Shante' sings it more sweetly than I ever could have.  If I had to rerecord that song right now, I'd be yelling the lyrics so loudly that they'd kick me out of the studio! I don't think I could transfer the emotion of being bitter any other way...the fact that you've been nice and have done all for someone only to be taken on an emotional roller coaster.  You may have even fallen in love with the fool.

However, Shante's song is not just about one person, its about multiple situations that black women have to go through in the dating world.  As women who have it all, our talents are overlooked, our generosity is abused, and our strength is avoided.  Strength to me is a balance in a relationship; serving as safety net when one partner is weary; they can balance on the other.  Yet, the strength of a black woman is misconstrued as "she can handle it, so she doesn't need me...hell she can hold me down while I do nothing!"

And this is why I have to stop myself from singing under my breath in the grocery store, when I spot someone who is obviously no good looking at me:


Don't follow me home...nigga
Don't ring my phone...nigga
Just leave me alone..nigga

No, I don't condone her usage of the word nigga but when you're not in the right frame of mind...well things and words happen.

OK, time out. It's OK to be mad and frustrated about the relationship situations we go through but what if we took all the bitterness and rage and transformed it into a positive force? Life is all about learning experiences and through those experiences, we learn how to either avoid situations or nip them in the bud very quickly.

I can remember a few years back when I was suffering through a very tumultuous relationship and I was talking to my mom.  She would sit me down at the dining room table, hand me a few tissues, and say "People are in your life for a reason and a season.  What you have to do is decided what you cannot and will not take, and then take the good qualities from each man you've dated and find one that will encompass them all."

Wise advice, no doubt from my mama. She wasn't saying that there was a perfect man out there, she was just saying that I needed to think about the essential, necessary things, that I needed to have in one. If I just really thought about these things instead of diving head first into whatever was thrown at me, I might stand a better chance.  Sometimes in love you have to be very selective.

Jumping back to the present, I also realized that there was another issue: I WAS LOOKING! Sometimes when you go looking for stuff, you ultimately will find something that you didn't want in the first place.  I know, I know, we all just want a friend when we're lonely...we want that movie kind of romance that Sanaa and Omar had, or Sanaa and Taye, or...well you get the picture. Instead when we go looking, we get Leon's character in Waiting to Exhale.

Don't get me wrong, it's not our fault that these mistakes happen. However, the Bible says in I Corinthians Chp 13, V 4 that "Love is patient...Love is Kind."  If love is patient then maybe we should wait for it because it is waiting for us! Even if you are not religious you can certainly agree that most of the beautiful things in life are worth the wait.

So maybe Shante's lyrics might be the way that I am feeling consistently as I walk this earth waiting for my prince to arrive but, I am not going to let bitterness manifest me. I know that this feeling is only temporary and in due time, I will meet Mr. Pretty Damn Good.

Black women, we have got to take the time out to remove the bitterness from our hearts so that love may have a place when it is time.