For the longest time, I was one of those girls who refused to wear a hair weave for style. During high school I had only worn it in weaved cornrows twice to give my hair a break from the straightening comb and once in micros during prom to replicate the Brandy-esque Cinderella. I had always had a good "grade" of hair as my great-grandmother would tell me and it was fairly long (not like Pocahontas or anything). In fact, unlike most black girls I knew, I didn't even get my first relaxer until I was 18 and a sophomore in college. I was proud of that fact because I had known so many girls who had been sporting relaxers since they were six. They may have had long, beautiful straight hair in their younger days but, now in their twenties they were going bald... and had to sport hair weaves to cover the damage.
Though I was meticulous in taking care of my hair when I got my relaxer, I developed a thyroid condition when I was 24 and my hair began to thin and in some cases fall out.
I was devastated.
As I sat in my hairdresser's chair, watching her snip away at the straggly and thinning pieces to form a bob, I felt like the ugliest human being on earth. All of my pride was falling to the floor around me.
The bob cut turned out cute and my hair started to grow back again, however, instead of growing to its original length, it would only grow to a certain point and begin the cycle of breakage again.
Every time it fell out, it would take such a toll on me that I became severely depressed. I didn't feel sexy, confident, or attractive. What was it about having hair that made me feel any different? I tried to tell myself that hair was only a part of my body, and didn't have anything to do with the wonderful and beautiful person I was...even though it was extremely noticeable that women (especially black women) with longer hair seemed to get a lot more attention. I even had a good reason not to even consider any additions to my hair after seeing Chris Rock's documentary Good Hair: women in India shave their heads in sacrifice and we black women put it on ours for vanity...a total contradiction.
I stood steadfast in my decision not believe in the weave until it was recommended that I tried a sew-in to give my hair a break from the harsh chemicals in relaxers. I loved it...even though after a while it itched like hell and was a pain to wash. It was great to not see my delicate strands covering my brush for a while and when I decided to get it taken out after about 3 months, my hair seemed a lot healthier.
I would go on to repeat this process with sew-ins and quick weaves, which are glued to the head and alternate with my relaxers. I didn't become a chronic weaver, but I did notice how my attitude had changed when I had that extra hair on my head. For some reason I was more energetic, happier, feeling more confident, and sexier. Clothes I had not dared to previously wear became my go tos. Men seemed more eager to approach me.
As I sat back and noticed all these changes, I became a bit conflicted; why was having extra hair on my head making such a big difference? Stepping back, I realized that it is not the hair...it is me.
I wasn't feeling good about myself which is the only reason why it made the difference. Subconsciously, I believed that my appearance was the only thing good about me which is why my attitude shifted so with a fresh weave. Realizing this, I looked in the mirror and promised myself a few things:
1) When this weave comes out, you will still be you.
2) You will still be beautiful.
3) You will still be confident.
4) You will love yourself and anyone who doesn't love you without this weave is non-F***ing factor.
As black women, we are always pitted against women of other ethnicities by society and the black men that we love. From an early age, a lot of are made to feel as is we are unattractive due to our skin tones and because our hair doesn't grow straight out of our heads. Before I had my epiphany, I fell into that trap as well.
I think this is something a lot of black women need to reckon with before they become addicted to weave. I would like to say THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WEAVE. However, the problem starts when any kind of enhancement to your physical being starts to manifest your spiritual and emotional being. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF EVEN ON YOUR WORST LOOKING DAY.
Last weekend, I went to my cousins wedding sporting a quick weave. Long and wavy, I looked more like an Indian princess than anything. While I was greeted with by extended family with choruses of "Oh look how beautiful you've grown to be!" and "You are gorgeous honey," I knew that they weren't saying it because of the hair.
They said it because I was smiling.
The thing I am realizing slowly but surely is that...it ain't about what's on your hair, body, or face, its about what you are carrying on your spirit. If you learn to love yourself no matter how you look, as cliché as that may sound, it will shine through you and people will take notice. Who doesn't want to be around a person who has joy shining through them?
I am not this hair. I am Alonna.
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