I Said No!

I recently had to break things off with a guy that I  had been seeing just over the course of a month.  At first it seemed promising; we had good conversations and went interesting places.  He had the brains and looks, his own place, and he was well traveled. Sounds great, right?  However, things turned tricky when he wanted to move into a sexual phase of our relationship.  I was still filling him out as a potential, but by the second date he was already sharing his plans to bed me , which made me  uncomfortable.

I asked him to slow down. I explained to him that I was a slow-mover and that I didn't do anything until I was ready. He said he understood but the advances kept coming and I grew even more uncomfortable and uncertain.  He was intense, and while I like my men, to be a bit aggressive, there are boundaries that need to be respected for any relationship to move forward.
  On our last date, when he went in for a kiss, I couldn't. I turned my head, only to have him in my face trying to force me to kiss him, and ask why I wasn't "showing him love." I asked him to only kiss my cheek but he remained close to my face, in attempt to make me turn my head so I would kiss him inadvertently. I didn't. This went on for nearly 5 minutes outside a restaurant, where tons of people were watching. I was both mortified and incensed.  I had told him no several times and he had ignored me.

I stewed over this for a few days, before deciding that I could not continue seeing a person who did not value my personal requests. Refusing a kiss might seem ridiculous to some, but when someone doesn't respect your person, this is a RED FLAG.  An aggressive approach to the word "No," might be a tell-tale indicator of something more troubling...or even potentially dangerous.  Coming from a family where some female family members have experienced physical and sexual abuse by their spouses has taught me to look for the warning signs early on and to not think twice.

The moral of the story; there are two: 1) No always means NO, no matter the circumstance and 2) if something doesn't feel right, run...don't walk away!

Be Safe. Be Informed. Be Strong!