The day that my grandma showed me the tap and ballet shoes that my two year old daughter was going to wear, was a day that I was rendered completely speechless.
"Oh..." was all I could muster. And then complete silence.
I couldn't even say thank you. It wasn't that the shoes weren't the most adorable things I had ever seen, but it was certainly unexpected.
THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS!
Ok so Grandma has an excuse; she wants some great grand kids. But other people don't! I can't even count on one hand how many times I have been asked the question:
"Girl, when you gonna have some kids?"
In my mind, I am screaming "Never...if you ask me one more time!"
What is it about people wanting to slap some kids on a girl as soon as she enters her late twenties? I still have at least ten more years to go before it'll be quitting time. Still, people don't look at me like that...to most people, including people around my age, I'm on the clock and even though I may have my youth and beauty...it is not looking pretty.
You see, the baby question usually comes right before the "So, you are smart, pretty, and got a lot going for yourself. Why don't you have a man?" question. That particular question I don't have an answer to at the moment (I've thought about it but...I got nothing), but I can answer the baby question a couple ways:
1) Because I don't have a husband.
2) Because I can barely take care of myself let alone a child.
3) Because I want to be ready, financially, before I have a child.
Even though these seem like good enough reasons for me, most people just think I'm missing out.
Of course I want children...in the future. I actually want to have three if God wills it but what holds me back is nothing more than personal experience.
I grew up in a household with a single mom and three brothers. While she was and still is phenomenal ,my mom barely got time to herself playing both mom and dad to us kids. I watched as day in and day out as she would come from a full time job, have to cook and clean, and do homework with us.
Truth, that is the selflessness of being a great mom, and hey mom I love you for it but as you always told me:
Life is about making choices. I chose to plan. Like Mom always says "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."
I couldn't possibly give birth to a child until I was ready to give that child all that my mom was able to give me and then some. The truth is that I just haven't reached that level of selflessness yet...and I don't think that's unreasonable for a woman of my age.
In my opinion, in your twenties, you should be having fun and experiencing life but also making choices that are going to lay the groundwork and foundation for that family to come. Yes it's true we don't always have control over the situations that life brings us but this is not the 1950's.
Don't get me wrong, there is not time frame on birthing children and it happens for different people at different times. However, I think that if you know you're not ready, you shouldn't even go there. I'd rather wait to be able to give my child the world than have to bring her into one that I'm still struggling to make it in.
Just my opinion!
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